Ha ha ha! It would be surreal if that's how returning officers did it.
"I hereby give notice that whether each candidate was elected was as follows: Bloggs, Sid, Labour, No; Smythe, Tarquin, Conservative, Yes; Yellowbeard, Samuel, Liberal Democrat, No; and that therewfore arquin Smythe has been duly elected as Member of Parliament for Insert Name Here."
Labour governments are always voted in by empty minds, and voted out by empty pockets
Christopher CHAPMAN (The Conservative Party Candidate) Mike GAPES (Labour and Co-Operative Party) Ashburn HOLDER (Liberal Democrats) Amjad KHAN (UK Independence Party (UKIP)) Anne WARRINGTON (The Green Party)